Musings of the Other Mother

I moved

2007-04-17T21:34:00.000-05:00

I've noticed that I've still been getting some hits on this site. I'm over here now. If you've linked to my blog, please update them. Come & see my new digs!

I think it's time

2007-04-09T01:29:00.000-05:00

I'm leaving Bl0gger. I've been messing around over here. Let me know what you think about it. I'm still not 100% satisfied, but there are a lot of perks over there, like the ability to actually sign in whenever I want to.
Update links if you have mine anywhere, thanks for following!

Jumping Ship?

2007-04-05T19:52:00.000-05:00

So I'm thinking about going to another service other than Bl0gger. I've been thinking about since I was forced to switch to signing in with my G00gle account and lost my template. Then, over the past week, I've had problems signing in several times. All I wanted to do was post but G00gle wouldn't let me sign in. I couldn't comment on anyone's blogs either. It wasn't down all day every day, but it was down during the exact times I sat down to post or read blogs. I was really annoyed. So here's the question: if I jump ship, will you follow me?

The Nerve and a List

2007-04-05T19:39:00.000-05:00

So yeah, remember how I said that we called our old doctor's office back around March 20th. They just called and left a message to see what we wanted. Can you believe that?! The nerve of them. Why did they even bother? After a few days what's the point of even returning our call. To top it all off, they were calling to see what we actually wanted since the nurse that took down the message just wrote that we called. Not that we were calling to see if they would prescribe any meds for R as they said during our appoitment, not that we were calling because she hadn't had a normal period since December, not that we were calling because AF was, at that point, 4 days late again. This is the office that took nearly two weeks to get us the results of a stat blood test. GRRRR!!!! I growl at them. I hope the staff at the new doctor's office is a bit more competent.

Here's a list (I live for lists) of the things I'm counting down:

47 days since AF arrived to visit R.
1 week and 3 days until the RE appointment.
25 days until my graduate school applications are due.
27 days until my last undergraduate class ever.
1 month and 1 week until I graduate.
2 months, 2 weeks and 1 day until we get to go back to California.
3 months and 5 days until our 9 year anniversary.

Man, it's a good thing I don't have a ticker addiction or they would start to consume my blog.

Still Late

2007-03-27T11:48:00.001-05:00

R is still late, now by 9 days. We don't have an appointment until the 16th of April. Hopefully AF shows her ugly head by then. No idea why she's late. There haven't been any swimmers up there since December. Ever since that try things have been screwy. The first month she was late a few days and the flow was really light. Every month since then she has been late if you take into account that for the 8 years we've been together she's had a 28-29 day cycle and starting in January they have been 37-42 days. Don't know if the cycles are just changing, the screwy hormone levels are causing this, or she's got something else going on. It's worrisome and I want it to stop!

We're making progress

2007-03-22T15:17:00.000-05:00

We finally have an appointment with a new doctor. Our midwives don't prescribe any medications for fertility treatment so we had to change providers. Our new RE is, according to a friend who is a patient, really nice and knowledgeable. Our friend is straight so no word about how he is with same sex partners. Our appointment is April 16th. Hopefully we can start TTC again soon after that!
R is late again. Her cycles were like clockwork until about 4 months ago and then something changed. We're not sure what changed, but now her temps don't always behave and it's hard to tell from temps if she's even ovulating anymore. We were temping for months before we started TTC and every month she was ovulating on day 16 or 17 of a 28 day cycle. Our midwife was concerned about her LP being a bit short so she ordered testing and R's LP progesterone levels were really low. Also, R didn't ovulate at all that month.
Any suggestions about what we can do to try and get R's cycles back on track? We will be asking the RE the same question, but wanted to know if there was anything we could do in the meantime.

Holding Pattern

2007-03-20T17:04:00.000-05:00

In TTC world: We haven't heard from the old doctor and we don't yet have an appointment with the new doctor.
In school world: I am really too late to apply to any graduate schools for the fall semester. Most of the programs I'm interested in don't accept students for the spring semester so it looks like graduate school in Fall 2008 for me. The question now is what do I do until then? Should I get my teaching certification (1 semester of classes and 1 semester of student teaching)? I took the first semester of classes 2 years ago and stopped. The only reason I stopped is because I wanted to graduate earlier. Now that it looks like I'll have another year to wait what should I do? Where should I live? R is applying for jobs. She's looking all over. She's looking where we live now, where we used to live in the south, and in California. If she gets a job in California then we're hoping they'll help with relocation costs.
Everything feels so up in the air right now. My happy world of plans and lists isn't working. I don't like not knowing where I'll be living in a few months. This is scary. To add TTC on top of this is crazy, but I guess we're crazy. We want a baby before we are 30. We have another 18 months to make that happen.

We're back!

2007-03-16T17:42:00.000-05:00

We had a wonderful time in California! We didn't want to come back, especially when we found out that it was going to snow today. R's dad hinted more than a few times that he'd like us to live closer. We loved the area so much that I'm going to start looking into graduate schools out there. I know it's too late to start in the fall but we'll need the extra time to save money to move anyway. That is if I even get in to any of the schools that I'm interested in. There are a lot more schools with Environmental Chemistry PhD programs on the west coast. I knew that before but thought that it was too far to move. Now that I've actually seen the area, it doesn't matter how far it is. We loved it!

More later, I have to go shovel...damn snow!

Meme it up

2007-03-16T17:11:00.000-05:00

This was stolen from Sophia over at Journey to an Ewok. Put an X next to any activity you're ever done. My notes are in red.

(X) Smoked a cigarette.
( ) Drank so much you threw up.
(X) Crashed in a friend’s car. I have somehow managed to damage every car of R's that I have ever driven.
(X) Stolen a car. On a technicality, it was my car but registered to my mother.
(X) Been in love.
(X) Been dumped.
(X) Been Laid off/fired. I am currently in my third week of unemployment and I don't know how I ever had time to get anything done and work 40 hours a week.
(X) Quit your job.
( ) Been in a fist fight.
(X) Sneaked out of your parent’s house.
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
( ) Gone on a blind date.
(X) Lied to a friend.
(X) Skipped school.
( ) Seen someone die. I haven't ever seen someone die but I was the person that found my Memaw after she died.
( ) Been to Canada.
( ) Been to Mexico.
(X) Been on a plane. I was just on a plane yesterday.
(X) Been lost.
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country. We just got back from San Francisco.
(X) Gone to Washington, DC.
(X) Swam in the ocean. I put my feet in the Pacific this week, it was really cold!
(X) Felt like dying.
(X) Cried yourself to sleep.
( ) Played cops and robbers.
( ) Recently colored with crayons.
(X ) Sang karaoke. Only once & never again.
(X) Paid for a meal with only coins.
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn’t.
(X) Made prank phone calls.
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(X) Made a snow angel.
(X) Danced in the rain.
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus.
(X) Been kissed under the mistletoe.
( ) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about. I'm not a morning person so no sunrises, plenty of sunsets though.
Here's one from our trip. This was taken off of R's dad's deck.

(X) Blown Bubbles.
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach.
( ) Crashed a party.
(X) Gone roller skating.
(X) Gone ice skating.

I hate that I'm selfish

2007-03-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Our donor called me tonight. He has a job interview for Ha11iburton tomorrow. If he got the job he'd be moving to Houston. He will be graduating in May. He told me that he also has applied for jobs in San Francisco, Sacramento, Honolulu, Boston, Los Angeles, just to name a few. He's not applying for any jobs near us or his hometown. I wish him the best, I really do. It's not the easiest thing to find a job in your field so soon after graduation, but I am secretly hoping that he doesn't get a job so far away. Does that make me a bitch? There are plenty of jobs close, anything on the East Coast would make me happy. We're already 400 miles apart. Any of these jobs would increase that to thousands. We can't afford to fly back and forth every month. Here's to hoping that the doctors can give us the help we need and we can get pregnant before he has to move.

I posted the answers for the movies (and the books in case you missed them).

Spring Break

2007-02-26T01:18:00.000-05:00

R and I are going to California for Spring Break. Her dad lives near Palo Alto and we are going out to visit. We haven't ever been to CA and hope to spend one day in San Francisco. Any suggestions about what to do in San Francisco from those that have lived/visited there?

On another note, keep on the books & movies!

And now...Movies!

2007-02-21T13:55:00.000-05:00

Same premise as the book game, these quotes are from some of my favorite movies. Many are just silly, and mind-numbing entertainment, but I can watch them over and over. Just to keep things fair I have removed my favorite movies from my profile (I didn't think about that with my books list). I must preface the list with this, I worked for Bl0ckbuster for 8 years. These may be a bit tough, you certainly won't find "Show me the money!" or anything here. Not even "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!" and while I'm at it, no one ever said "Play it again Sam" in Casablanca.

I'll start with 10, as of right now I have over 35 so if it goes well we have a lot to play with!

Keep at the books, there are still a few left.

Edit: I've started adding hints. I will just add more quotes from the movies first and then will add actual hints.

Here it goes:

1. These quotes are from the hilarious Drop Dead Gorgeous. It' s definitely a guilty pleasure.
a) My mom gave me this 9 mill for my 13th birthday. Yeah. I'll always remember what she put on the card. "Jesus Loves Winners". That's why I always aim to win.
b) Nope. No. Uh-uh. Never judged a pageant before in my life. Nope. No way. Never around young girls. Even if I was, why would I wanna be, y'know? I- I- I don't get off on that kinda thing and that's really why you're askin', right?... S- someone say somethin'?

2. This is a movie that I could watch over and over. Love Actually always puts me in a good mood!
a) Invite him out for a drink and then after about twenty minutes casually drop into the conversation the fact that you'd like to marry him and have lots of sex and babies.
b) Hiya kids. Here is an important message from your Uncle Bill. Don't buy drugs. Become a pop star, and they give you them for free.

3. Wait! There's something interesting in that woman's smile. I might learn to like her. Hang her in my bathroom. Yes Shannon, this is from the 1982 version of Annie (the only version that's worth anything!). It was the first home movie I owned, didn't you love Beta? When I was a kid I watched this movie at least 3 times a day. My babysitter from 1983 still can't hear "Tomorrow" without cringing! I can still recite large chunks of the movie if given a few lines to start. Isn't it strange how our brain can remember things like quotes and song lyrics for years after we hear them?

4. I looked into it more deeply and I found that apparently what happened is that he was laid off five years ago and no one ever told him about it; but through some kind of glitch in the payroll department, he still gets a paycheck. Lauren delurked to answer this one. She's right; it's Office Space.

5. I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that. Lauren knew this one too. In Say Anything Lloyd Dobler is just as uncertain about what he wants to do with his life as I am.

6. These quotes are from Benny & Joon.
a) Oh. Because you know, it seems to me that, aside from being a little mentally ill, she's pretty normal.
b) They used to be fat and juicy and now they're twisted. They had their lives stolen. Well, they taste sweet, but really they're just humiliated grapes. I can't say I am a big supporter of the raisin council.

7. Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage! Melissa knew this one! It's from Clue. I love this movie and B just bought the DVD for me last night to replace my worn out and taped off of TV VHS version.

8. It's easy to miss this one. You might not remember it unless, like me, you had to watch Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me over and over to figure out exactly what was going on.
a) When this kind of fire starts, it is very hard to put out. The tender boughs of innocence burn first, and the wind rises, and then all goodness is in jeopardy.
b) Diane, it is 4:20 PM. I'm standing on the bank of Wind River near the location of where the body of Teresa Banks was found. Diane, this case gives me a strange feeling.

9. This movie was being filmed in Pittsburgh when I lived there. Dogma is easily Kevin Smith's best movie.
a) He still digs humanity, but it bothers Him to see the shit that gets carried out in His name - wars, bigotry, televangelism. But especially the factioning of all the religions. He said humanity took a good idea and, like always, built a belief structure on it.
b) Anyone who isn't dead or from another plane of existence would do well to cover their ears right about now.

10. I watched this movie almost as often as I watched Annie. I was fascinated by The Dark Crystal, there were parts that scared me, but hey...I was only 3.
a) Where is this Augrah? How does she look like? How will I find her? "Follow the Greatest Sun for a day to the home of Augrah"... hmph. Some directions!
b) You look like Gelfling... smell like Gelfling... maybe you are Gelfling!

Fun Game...about Books! now with answers!

2007-02-20T17:54:00.000-05:00

www.amazon.I don't know how many people are out there reading this but I'm stealing a game from Shannon so hopefully you'll play along.

Here's the rules:
1. Select 5-10 (or so) books you love.
2. Post the first line from each of them.
3. Don't mention the title or author. That's for everyone else to figure out.
4. After someone correctly identifies the book, update the original entry to reflect that fact.

So here are the first lines of some of my favorite books. These are all books I've read multiple times, some many more times than others. A few of them are exceedingly easy, but hey they're my favorites!

1. I went back to the Devon School not long ago, and found it looking oddly newer than when I was a student there fifteen years before. Shannon knew one this one! A Separate Peace by John Knowles was one of the first books I had to read in school that I really enjoyed.

2. The magician's underwear has just been found in a cardboard suitcase floating in a stagnant pond on the outskirts of Miami. Melissa knew the other Tom Robbins book on my list, Another Roadside Attraction. It was hard to only put 2 Tom Robbins books on this list. After I read Still Life in 10th grade I had to read everything he had ever written. Thanks for playing!

3. The thing was: one million years ago, back in 1986 A.D., Guayaquil was the chief seaport of the little South American democracy of Ecuador, whose capital was Quito, high in the Andes Mountains. This is the first line of Galapagos by Kurt Vonnegut.

4. On one of our last car trips, near the end of my father's life as a man, we stopped by a river, and we took a walk to its banks, where we sat in the shade of an old oak tree. This is the first line of Big Fish: A Novel of Mythic Proportions by Daniel Wallace.

5. They called him Moshe the Beadle, as though he had never had a surname in his life. This is the first line of Night by Elie Wiesel.

6. It was a dark and stormy night. Nice to see my hints really work. Kate just needed a little bit of help and then she realized that this was the opening line of Madeliene L'Engle's A Wrinkle in Time. Hint: This book was first read to me by my 4th grade teacher. Many character names are similar to interrogative pronouns.

7. and it's a story that might bore you a bit but you don't have to listen, she told me, because she always knew it was going to be like that, and it was, she thinks, her first year, or, actually weekend, really a Friday, in September, at Camden, and this was three or four years ago, and she got so drunk that she ended up in bed, lost her virginity (late, she was eighteen) in Lorna Slavin's room, because she was a Freshman and had a roommate and Lorna was, as she remembers, a Senior or Junior and usually sometimes at her boyfriend's place off campus, to who she thought was a Sophomore Ceramics major but who was actually either some guy from NYU, a film student, and up in New Hampshire just for The Dressed To Get Screwed party, or a townie. This very long sentence fragment is how Rules of Attraction by Bret Easton Ellis starts off. Thanks for playing Kate!

8. Mr and Mrs Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. Shannon got the easy one. This is the first line from Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone by JK Rowling. Even though I'm from the US, it is the Philosopher's Stone not the Sorcerer's Stone as I bought the book in London to read on my flight home.

9. Suppose that you and I were sitting in a quiet room overlooking a garden, chatting and sipping at our cups of green tea while we talked about something that had happened a long while ago, and I said to you, "That afternoon I met so-and-so...was the very best afternoon of my life, and also the very worst afternoon." This is the first line of Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden.

10. If this typewriter can't do it, then fuck it, it can't be done. This, easily one of the most memorable first lines I have ever read, is from Still Life with Woodpecker by Tom Robbins Thanks again Kate!

Good luck! I hope you have fun with them.

When will we get to try again?

2007-02-20T14:00:00.000-05:00

We're still waiting to hear back from our doctor's office. There are a few RE's in our area. Only one group works with our insurance. We do have some coverage for infertility treatments so we're lucky. Our insurance is pretty good. When R had her heart surgery we were worried, but most of it was covered. Our out of pocket in an Office Setting is $25 per visit then 100% of eligible expenses & Outpatient is 90% of eligible expenses after satisfying $200 deductible. I'm confused after looking over the lists of things they do cover and things they don't cover though. It seems like the lists contradict themselves, especially the first items on each list. What do you think?

Services they cover:

Diagnosis and treatment of infertility when provided by or under the direction of a Physician.
Embryo transport.
Donor ovum and semen and related costs, including collection and preparation.

Services they don't cover:

Health services and associated expenses for infertility treatments.
Fees or direct payments to a donor for sperm or ovum donations.
Monthly fees for maintenance and/or storage of frozen embryos.
In vitro fertilization, gamete intrafallopian transfer procedures, and zygote intrafallopian transfer procedures, and any related prescription medication treatment.
Artificial Insemination

It seems like the testing we need to figure out what's going on and the meds needed to fix it will be covered. I think sometimes that we're moving too fast, but at this point we're ready for a little more intervention than our at home attempts.

We were hoping to try this cycle, since our plan was to try every month in 2007 until we get pregnant, but it doesn't look like it will be possible. This may be a watch, test, and learn cycle. I will be out of town the weekend R should ovulate. The next try will be early April. This will be our last chance to have a baby in 2007.

Photo Friday: Bad Hair

2007-02-15T22:47:00.000-05:00

I have had some terrible hair cuts. Luckily, I have no photos of the worst of them. When I was a little girl I used to spend the night with my Memaw (great-grandmother) every Saturday night. I would go to church with her on Sunday. One weekend, I must have been 6 or 7, my mom put my hair in a French braid before I went to Memaw's. I woke up the next morning and I had all sorts of hair sticking out of my braid. I really wanted to wear my hair in that French braid to church so I just cut off every piece of hair what was sticking out. The braid looked great, but my hair was terrible when my mom took it out!
The other terrible hairstyle that comes to mind is when I was 7 or 8 my mom thought it would be great to perm my hair. I have very thick and at the time, very long, hair. The perm only took on the short hairs that framed my face and I had ringlets hanging in front of my ears. I looked like an Orthodox Jewish man!
On to the photos, I couldn't narrow it down so here are 4 photos of bad hair.

This photo is from the day I moved out of my mom's house. I had been dyeing my black for a year or so and I wanted it lighter. I put stripper on it and this is what I got.

This is a photo of R when we first got together. That summer she got really hot and decided that shaving her head was a good idea. She didn't realize how hard it was going to be to grow it out.

This is a photo of my mom when she was 12. My grandmother is responsible for the mullet.

This is an old friend of mine. Her face is covered out of respect since she doesn't know I'm posting this. She has gorgeous curly red hair. She never brushes it. This is why.

Test Results

2007-02-14T16:01:00.000-05:00

R's progesterone level was 0.9 when anything under 5-10 range is considered low. The doc said that with progesterone that low there's no way she ovulated. It was low at CD 24-25 for the past 2 months so she doesn't think that it was just a freak anovulatory cycle since she had two in a row. We've been referred to an RE because our midwife doesn't deal with infertility issues. They wouldn't even prescribe progesterone. It was suggested that we have more testing done.
I'm a bit upset but at least we're finding this out after trying since August and not one year later.
We're definitely not trying this month.

Snow Day!

2007-02-14T15:48:00.000-05:00

I got my snow day. I have yet to get any work done. I got up this morning & checked my school's website. There was a 2 hour delay. I took a shower and started getting ready to go outside and dig the car out. R called downstairs and asked what I was doing. She said that I didn't have classes today. Apparently when I was in the shower they changed from a 2 hour delay to a snow day!
R convinced me that I wanted to go back to bed and then we made breakfast together. I took a nap and have been lazy all day. Now it's time to start my work. We've had a few scares that we might be losing power so hopefully I can get my lab reports typed up before that happens.

I cried

2007-02-13T22:12:00.000-05:00

I can't believe it. When I handed in my keys I CRIED! I didn't think I would get that upset, and certainly not in front of my staff. It's just Bl0ckbuster. There, I said it, Bl0ckbuster. I was there for almost 8 years. I can't believe it's over. I think the stress is just adding up.
Don't know where we're going with R's cycle. She's late again. Until we started TTC she was never late. Before you get excited, we didn't try in January. Our donor won't be able to come visit this month but now that she's late we don't think the weekend R requested off from work will match up with ovulation. We also don't know what the doctors will be doing about the low progesterone. We will call the Dr's office tomorrow. Hopefully they don't close because of the weather.
It's snowing and has been all day. People feel the need to rent movies when it's snowing. That means I had a terribly stressful last day. We were very busy and I was supposed to be alone for part of the afternoon.

I'm still in a funk.

Way too low

2007-02-12T17:51:00.000-05:00

R got her bloodwork back. Her thyroid is fine but her progesterone was "way too low." Our midwife is going to talk to one of the doctors in the practice and see what to do about things. We don't know if we're going to try this month. Still haven't heard from our donor to see if he can come visit this month. If not R is off work the weekend she should ovulate so we can go down there if needed.
I'm in a funk.

Crossroads

2007-02-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

I don't know what to do with the rest of my life. I graduate in May with my BS in Chemistry. The chemistry degree sort of fell in my lap. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do as an undergrad either. I was originally a math major because (don't hate me) I was really good at math. Math didn't excite me at all. I took a chemistry class because I had to take a science class with a lab and really enjoyed it so I changed my major. If I were to stick with chemistry I would eventually like to be a professor. I worry that I won't be able to find a job in my field, or that I would have to move my family around too much. According to my adviser, the job market for professors is pretty tight right not. A lot of schools are hiring adjuncts or part timers in lieu of full time tenure track positions.
I have also thought about going to medical school but wonder if I'm getting too much of a late start. Could I go to medical school and (G-d willing) have a new baby at home? If I went to medical school I would want to be an OB/GYN. I've also thought about going to nursing school, specifically a program to be a certified nurse midwife. I'd have to do an alternate entry program since I will have a BS in chemistry, not nursing.
Basically, all I do know right now is that I probably won't be going to grad school in the fall. I have waited (procrastinated, avoided making a decision, etc.) too long and most of the application deadlines have passed. There is one PhD chem program, one BSN/MSN midwifery program, and one MS chem program that I'm applying to. They all have rolling admissions and admit people until the programs are full, or they run out of TA/GA positions. Maybe we'll let the admissions boards decide what I will do with the rest of my life. They are in three different states. R is willing to move where ever I get into grad school. I love her.
I wish I could just job shadow for a few weeks to see what I want to do. They did that for us in high school & I didn't go because I couldn't pick a field. I have always been indecisive. Mostly because I worry too much. I worry that I won't be able to support my family. I worry that taking 5 years off between high school and college will haunt me for the rest of my life. I worry that I'll go through years of education and end up hating my career. Damn, I really do worry too much...

I'm such a baby

2007-02-07T16:53:00.000-05:00

I've been home sick since yesterday afternoon. I have bad cold/flu symptoms. I'm achy, dizzy, exhausted, and grumpy & I've had a fever for 3 days. To make matters worse I have AF. Thanks to the PCOS I don't have a pd on my own anymore and haven't in about 7 years. I take progesterone for 14 days every three months to lower my risk of endometrial cancer. The progesterone makes PMS symptoms worse, cramps, sore b00bs, etc. I feel sorry for any of you that have to take it for longer than 2 weeks!

On the TTC front, no news about R's blood work. We should know something early next week.

Photo Friday: My Favorite Place

2007-02-07T01:39:00.000-05:00

My favorite place is Holden Beach, NC. My family went there when we I was young. R and I started renting a house for one week each summer a few years ago. We wanted to save money for baby makin' and didn't go last year. I never imagined I would have missed it as much as I did. It was my week of sanity. I took classes over the summer and winter breaks every year until 2006. For three years there were only three weeks a year where I didn't have school: the week of Christmas, Spring Break, and one week in August after the last of three summer sessions and the start of the fall semester. That was my beach week. We always rented a house where you just had to walk off the front porch onto the beach. Holden is a turtle sanctuary so it is incredibly peaceful. There's no boardwalk or annoying amusement parks. There are no street lights or lights of any kind allowed on the beach. There's not even a traffic light on the island. There are a few realty offices, restaurants, a convenience store, and a pier. You have to drive over the bridge to get to a grocery store, mini golf, an ice cream parlor, and, in case of rain (always a possibility when you go in the height of hurricane season), a movie rental store. I've always thought of Holden as a great family beach. Maybe by summer 2008 we'll have a family to take with us.

R took this photo of me. She was standing at the water and looking up towards the house. I love to sit under my umbrella (a girl has to take care of her skin) and read. I could sit out there forever. I usually read at least a book a day when we are staying there. Impromptu naps on the beach are also fun!

This is a photo I took of R. I was under my umbrella and looking down at her.

25%

2007-02-05T01:21:00.000-05:00

That's how much they're saving by laying me off. The newbie that they hired to replace me will me making less than 75% of my current salary. Poor girl.

*I promise that this will be one of the last rants about having my job ripped from my hands.

Testing Testing

2007-02-05T01:00:00.000-05:00

R will be going in for blood tests tomorrow. I have a long day tomorrow, well most of my days are long days but Monday is always exceptionally long, so I won't be able to go with her. Results will take a while because her midwife is on vacation (skiing, in this weather-it's currently 12 degrees with a wind chill of -6, but again I digress). Hopefully we'll know results next week because we will be insemming around the 15th or 16th of February. Hopefully all her hormone levels look good. There was some concern about progesterone levels and LP length.
We still don't know if we will be driving to visit our donor or if he will be coming up to visit us this month. We'd much prefer that he drove up here. We have 2 dogs & 2 cats that we'd need to make arrangements for. He only has 1 dog and she can come with him. Also, I have a lab that usually lets out around 4pm on Friday, putting us at his house around midnight. Depending on the cycle R might O the same day we're driving down there and we could end up with bad timing for the insem. So far we've gone to see him every time. He's never come to visit us, even before TTC, so we'd get to hit up all the touristy sites. I REFUSE to go the fake Amish farm, maybe we'll go to D.C., Philadelphia, Baltimore, or NYC. They're all within a 1-3 hour drive. It would make for a nice day trip. We haven't done that in a long time.
We used to take day trips all the time. When we didn't have 2 work schedules and 2 school schedules to work around. Now that R's out of school & I'm losing my job maybe we should make that a priority. We still don't know what city we'll be moving to this summer and we should make the most of our time here.

My Very First Photo Friday

2007-02-04T16:27:00.000-05:00

So I've been meaning to start participating in Photo Friday for quite some time, but never got around to it. I was going to start last week with what makes my body unique (my widow's peak) & the batteries in the camera were dead. By the time I got around to getting batteries the topic has changed so, drum roll please, here is my couch. I never actually get to sit on my couch. It belongs to the furry kids. R & I sit on the love seat usually. Sometimes they share the couch with us, but it's rare. The back cushions are flattened out from the cats. Dexter weighted 23 pounds before he got sick and he would squash the cushion to the right. Silas and Puck are usually on the back with Kara on the left and Hamlet on the right. So, without further ado:

Try #3

2007-01-29T14:08:00.000-05:00

We will be TTC again in February. R and I talked it over and decided that, even though I will be unemployed, we will continue to try. We're hoping the blood tests come back fine so we can try in Feb.

Well it happened

2007-01-23T17:42:00.000-05:00

I lost my job. Well, I didn't exactly lose it. I know precisely where it is. They've taken it away from me to give it to a girl right out of high school with no experience. My last day is February 20th. They wanted me to leave at the end of this month but I asked them to let me stay until we got our 2006 bonus payout on Feb 16th. At least they're letting me have that. They won't fight unemployment if I don't get another job right away. They also told me that I am eligible for rehire if I want to go back after graduation. (because that's just want I always wanted to do with my chemistry degree).

R doesn't want to TTC again until I get another job. I want to keep trying. We'll see which way it goes.

I did get some good news today though. I will be graduating with departmental honors.

Where should we move?

2007-01-21T18:36:00.000-05:00

It's time for me to start applying to graduate schools and I have no clue where I want to go. There are many programs at many schools that interest me but I can't even decide on state! I would prefer the Eastern time zone, but that's as specific as I've gotten. My family is in NC and VA with a few stragglers in TX and R's family is in PA (except her dad lives in CA) so we'd like to stay relatively (under 500 miles away) close to one side of the family or the other. We're open to any and all suggestions. We want a place where 2nd parent adoption is legal & we can (eventually) raise our family. The cost of living can't be atrocious because we'll need to be able to afford a house with a back yard for the furry kids. Public transportation would be nice. I've lived in an area where I had rocks thrown at me and people spat on me just for going out in public with a date* and I don't want to raise my children in a place like that. The place should be GLBTQ friendly; R and I are tired of being the token lesbian couple. Anyone want to tell us why your city should be our next home?

*Talk about a terrible first date. In high school I took a girl to the local fair. We weren't guilty of excessive PDA but were obviously together. A group formed around us and they were throwing rocks and spitting. We went to the cops to complain and we were escorted from the fairgrounds because we were "disturbing the peace." It was almost 15 years ago and things have gotten a bit better in that area. Even still, my hometown is out of the question.

Moments from the Midwife Visit

2007-01-18T23:19:00.000-05:00

We were sitting in complete silence when, all of a sudden, R said, "I bet if they played tapes of children screaming, crying, and whining instead of soothing music while you're waiting it would lower the population of [our hometown]." Which caused me to let out a guffaw just as the midwife came back in the room.
R's midwife spent a majority of the visit talking to me. This happens to me when I'm with R all the time! People even think that I'm her mother, all the time! I'm younger, so what if I'm 2 inches taller. If we're out to dinner, I get the check. If we're shopping for a major purchase (car, jewelry, etc.) sales people always address me. I just wanted to turn to our midwife and scream, "It's her body, you can talk to her too about when her LMP was!"

In defense of the midwife we saw, she's not R's normal midwife. We did throw her off, when we made the appointment we told the receptionist that we just wanted to have a check-up and make sure everything was OK. When the midwife walked into the room she was under the impression that we had had a positive HPT and were just coming in to confirm a pregnancy because that's how the receptionist had coded our visit. Once we got that cleared up she reviewed our charting and says we're doing a good job. She reassured us that sometimes, OPKs just don't work but as long as 3 other signals line up we shouldn't have anything to worry about (haven't I heard that before...). She was a bit concerned about R's short LP so she's ordered blood work. She's most interested to see how R's progesterone levels are. She did chastise R because she hasn't been taking prenatals. She gave us free samples and will write a script when we get pregnant. She's going to call us with the results from the blood work this month and wished us luck. The last thing she said was that she hopes to see us pregnant soon.
We were very surprised, this is the same practice that friends of ours had problems with a few years ago. All in all, a good visit.

We've decided not to try this month. We didn't want to throw off any testing that the midwife ordered, plus our donor couldn't come visit, and R couldn't get off work so it doesn't seem to be a good month. One month into 2007 and our 2007 plan of attack is out the door. Oops... We will be trying in February, the plans are already made.

As for my job, I still don't know if I'll have one in a few weeks. I am supposed to know on Monday so, hopefully, I'll still have a source of income.

Travelling South This Month

2007-01-16T23:00:00.000-05:00

Our donor can't come to visit us this month so we will be travelling to visit him, assuming that the midwife doesn't find anything wrong tomorrow.

Checkup Tomorrow

2007-01-16T11:51:00.000-05:00

We made an appointment to see R's midwife tomorrow. We're seeing a different midwife than the woman that normally does R's Paps and checkups, but she's part of the same practice. We have a list of things to talk to her about & just want to check in and make sure all the plumbing is up to par for our next try.
Our questions:

Why the funky AF this month with high temps?
Why hasn't R ever had a positive OPK even though CM & temps show she's ready to O? If there's a problem, how can we fix it?
Is a LP on the short side (9-11 days) something to worry about and, if so, what can we do about it?

If there's anyone actually reading this thing...

2007-01-15T13:10:00.000-05:00

We need some advice. This month R was 2 days late. She spotted for 2 days & then started what, for her, would have been an extremely light period. That lasted a little over a day and it's now back to spotting. At first it was brown & would just show up when she wiped. It progressed to red but was never heavy enough to warrant anything more than a panty (oh how I hate that word) liner. Thing is, her temps haven't dipped at all; they're still at LP level and have been for 18 days now. Should we be concerned? Does this warrant a trip to talk to our midwife (we were thinking about checking in with her anyway this month)? Is there anything that could cause a light & late period with elevated temps? It's not that we think she might be pregnant, we just want to make sure everything is in tip top shape for the next try which starts in 2 weeks or so.

No Baby

2007-01-14T19:06:00.000-05:00

R started spotting late last night, full on AF by tonight. We called donor & will be insemming in about 2 weeks.

Job Update

2007-01-14T00:19:00.000-05:00

I will most likely be losing my job. I have been working for the same company for just under 8 years. A few years ago I decided to go to college. I went to school part time while working full time for several years, taking one or two classes each semester. Two years ago I started going to school full time & I dropped down to part time at work. This academic year is my last year of undergrad. I only needed 4 classes, one seminar and two credits of research to graduate so I started back at work full time this summer & planned on taking two classes and one research credit each semester. When I was promoted to my current full time position last summer they KNEW that I was a college student & that I would be going to school and would not have open availability. It was fine last semester and all of a sudden there's a problem. To make matter worse my position was eliminated and the new position that is replacing it requires open availability, which I don't have. My boss actually told me that if I wanted to keep my job I needed to drop out of school. I have been at this way too long to stop now, then end is in sight! I only have two classes, one seminar and one credit of research left. I feel really selfish but I have put my job before school many times over the past few years. There were a few semesters that I withdrew from school completely, even if I lost my tuition, because they needed more help at work. My boss is trying to pull strings to I can be full time split between two locations with the same pay rate, but it doesn't look good.

The Good:

They will give me two weeks notice before they lay me off.
I can take the Latin class that I was really interested in but couldn't take because I needed to work on Thursdays.
They won't fight fight my unemployment so I will have some cash flow until I can find another job.
They will put me in as eligible for rehire if I want to go back after graduation (ha!).
I will have more free time since this semester will be the most difficult semester I've ever had.
More time to visit graduate schools and focus on applications.
I can get a part time job on campus, which, when combined with my unemployment, will bring in almost what I'm used to making.
Weekends off for the first time in my life so I can drive up and down the east coast to go visit our donor.

The Bad:

NO job.
No free movie rentals.
Accepting handouts from the government.
No time to start job hunting because the semester starts Tuesday.

Can you tell I'm trying to convince myself that this isn't an absolutely terrible thing?

Looking Ahead

2007-01-14T00:07:00.000-05:00

We've started discussing our TTC plan of attack for 2007. We haven't been actively trying every month. We haven't given up hope on this cycle, but with three peoples schedules to work around we decided to start planning for next cycle. We've decided that we will try every month until it happens, no taking months off (in case we really need it emotionally). We've requested off work for each anticipated weekend through June. Thank G-d R usually ovulates on the weekend. Our donor has scheduled classes so he has a long weekend every week so we will alternate visiting him and him coming up here each month.
If we still aren't pregnant in June we'll start thinking about IUI in a doctor's office with or without meds. I guess we'll have to get our donor tested and find a doctor that will work with us. A lesbian couple we know were TTC a few years ago (they have since broken up, guess there was a reason they never succeeded) and they weren't able to find a doctor within 40 miles of our ultra conservative county that was willing to help them. Luckily Baltimore & Philadelphia are close enough to drive for appointments if needed. Our doctor & midwife have no problems helping us once R is pregnant but they won't do IUIs on any couple that is not married, no matter what their sexual orientation. They're the only local doctor that accepts our insurance. We really need to get out of here.

Still Waiting

2007-01-14T00:01:00.000-05:00

We're still waiting, no AF and no positive HPT. We're going nuts! R has never been late, not in the 8 1/2 years we've been together. She had open heart surgery a few years ago and that didn't even affect her cycle. Lots of other symptoms but we're not sure if we're noticing them just because we want to. R spotted late yesterday, just a bit of brown blood on the TP (mixed with tons of watery CM, another phenomenon that has been around for 3 days now) when she was wiping, nothing on her underwear. No sign of it since. If this keeps up she's going to go to the doctor on Tuesday. Damn the long weekend!

We may be Jinxing Ourselves...

2007-01-12T23:43:00.000-05:00

but this was too cute (and too true) to pass up. It's our first baby clothes purchase.

Forgot to add the Newest Member of the Family

2007-01-12T23:40:00.000-05:00

This is Kara, adopted during what was supposed to be our 2nd attempt in September that never really happened. I asked R if I got a new pet every cycle we didn't get pregnant. She laughed at me and said "hell no"!

We're Officially Late

2007-01-12T17:32:00.000-05:00

One day late, that's how late we were last time when AF showed up. Still no positive HPT. R calls me every time she goes to the bathroom to let me know we're "still late." She must have called me at least 6 times today and I was only at work 8 hours! We want to wait at least another day or two to test since getting AF and a negative HPT on the same day is really depressing.

No News Either Way

2007-01-11T22:28:00.000-05:00

We haven't had a positive HPT (didn't stop R from peeing on several) but AF still hasn't reared her ugly red head.

I really don't like the TWW. This time is worse because it's winter break. Last time I was easily distracted by school and work (FT student and FT job doesn't leave much time to worry). I have so much extra free time to obsess about this.

101 Reasons our Donor Rocks: Round Two

2007-01-11T22:24:00.000-05:00

7. He just called to check up on us. We insemmed 2 weeks ago and he wanted to know if we have any news.

8. He also let me know that he arranged his class schedule this semester so he gets out of class early on Thursdays, no classes on Fridays and late classes on Mondays. He says he can be at our house Thursday evening and doesn't have to leave until Monday morning. Very helpful since R usually Os on Friday or Saturday.

One Week Down

2007-01-06T02:18:00.000-05:00

We are halfway through our 2nd TWW. We weren't even planning on trying this month. The plan was to wait until February but we were really close (geographically) to our donor over the holidays and it just so happened to be around the time that R should O so we decided to go for it. We didn't have any supplies, had to make do with what we could scrounge up. R hasn't been temping or using OPKs since we were taking a break. We went au natural this cycle. If we believe her CM and mittelschmerz we insemmed right on time. Who knows if it worked. R doesn't feel like it did. She has been sick since we came home on the 30th. First it was her stomach & now she has a horrendous cold. I'm hoping that she is just feeling down since she's been sick.

The way our luck is going things just might work this try. I just found out that I may be losing my job. My position has been eliminated and in order to be considered for the position that will be replacing my current job (title change, same BS) I have to have open availability. I have to be available for 13 out of 14 shifts each week. A huge problem since I'm still in school. Never mind the fact that I've been there for 8 years, that I know my job inside and out, have been there longer than anyone else in the area, or that I rearranged an entire class of 24 other people to fit what they needed me to work. (Sorry to those in the new Friday 2-6 lab). They have no heart and even laid off a very religious manager because he refused to work on Sundays. Knowing my company, if they do lay me off, they will wait until the Friday afternoon before classes start up again. That means we'll be POAS the same day I might be losing my job. Not the best timing, but things don't usually happen for us when we're prepared for them. To make matters worse I don't have time to look for a new job before the semester starts and I know that no one will pay me anything close to my current salary with my terrible availability so money will be tight for the next few months.

On another note, in the past couple weeks (we aren't sure because she hasn't been weighing herself regularly) R has gained 10 pounds. This is A LOT for her, just a drop in the bucket for me, but we're talking about over 8% of her entire body weight gained in a two weeks or so. Maybe a lot of water, but who knows. She is rather sensitive about it so we won't tell her I brought it up here in Blogworld.

Long Overdue Update

2006-12-31T00:56:00.000-05:00

We haven't been TTC these past few months. Cycles haven't met up with our KD's schedule and there was a lot going on with school & work. We did insem two days ago so we're 2 days into our 2nd official TWW. 12 days to go until we can test. We did an at home insem using fresh with our KD. R has been sick for the past two days. There was a virus going around when we were visiting family for Christmas & we think she may have brought it home with her. Fun for us!

Try #2 Postponed

2006-09-07T04:16:00.000-05:00

We won't be having a TWW this month. Our donor can't make it to visit this weekend and we're pretty sure R ovulated today (4 days early). Donor will definitely be able to visit in October so that will be the last try for 2006. Class & work schedules for three people make it really difficult to find the time especially when you throw a cycle into the mix!
Never fear, this weekend won't go to waste. We're attending a doggy adoption fair hoping to meet a new friend for Hamlet. We started the adoption process a few weeks ago and are awaiting a home visit. We won't be getting pregnant but we will be getting a new furry child this month!

So no one gets jealous...the rest of the family

2006-09-07T04:15:00.000-05:00

My best buddy Hamlet

The regal first born, Silas

R and our recently departed Dexter

Try #2

2006-09-05T00:48:00.000-05:00

On to try #2. Hopefully things will work this time. Our donor still hasn't gotten back to us to let us know if he can come visit this weekend. If he can't visit then we'll be driving to see him. It would be A LOT easier on us if he could come to PA. R & I both work Friday night and Sunday afternoon. If we have to drive to meet him it will mean leaving around 1am, getting there around 7am Saturday & insemming as soon as we got there. After a nap we'd insem again and then drive home. In one day we'd be on the road for 12 hours. If he comes to visit we can insem 3-4 times throughout the weekend & flood the gates so to speak.
This will probably be our last try this year. We're worried that our schedules will get too crazy near the end of the semester for us to meet up with our donor. Also, R has decided that she doesn't want to be due in July or August. If we don't get pregnant this time we'll start trying again in January. We're hoping that things go well this time and we don't have to try again until we're ready for kid #2.

Introducing Puck

2006-08-29T21:47:00.000-05:00

This is a photo of Puck in action!

One of the rare times Puck is sitting still.

Newest Family Member

2006-08-29T21:43:00.000-05:00

Dexter is sorely missed. Silas & R were really lonely so we got a new friend. His name is Puck and he's 3 months old. He's settling in to the family although he doesn't get along with Hamlet at all!

Our 1st 2WW is Over

2006-08-25T17:50:00.000-05:00

So, I'm glad that's over with. We had a bit of hope because AF was 1 day late. R spotted last night & AF started this evening. E-mailed our donor & invited him to come visit us the weekend of September 8-10. Our next TWW will start again then.

This TWW Thing SUCKS!

2006-08-24T23:55:00.000-05:00

OK, so I told myself going into this rollercoaster that it could take us a long time to get pregnant. I told myself that I wasn't going to get too excited the first time because I knew that it could be the first of many tries for our child. I told myself, especially after the debacle that was our first insemination, I would think of this as a trial run. We were figuring out how to use the speculum, insert the syringe, etc. That’s why we got more outside than in. If I prepared myself then why in the hell am I so upset!

R has been convinced that she is pregnant for the past few days (with no HPT confirmation). Her b00bs are sore, she is incredibly tired, her stomach is upset, and she's reeeeaaaaallllllyyyyy cranky. She says she knows her body & that this isn’t normal for her. I've known her for 8 years and have never experienced a bout of PMS like this. I was worried that she was seeing symptoms where there were none, until we measured her. We’ve been going to the gym all summer and measure ourselves once a week to track our progress. In the past week her chest measurement has gone up 1 inch. Could her b00bs really be bigger? They look a bit bigger, they feel a bit bigger, but are we seeing/feeling that because that’s what I want to see and feel?

When we inseminated we decided that we wouldn’t POAS until Friday, 10 dpo. We broke down and tested last night, and again today (more trial runs I keep telling myself). I wasn’t supposed to be so upset when the tests were negative, this was just supposed to be a trial, this could take us months…I’m really trying to convince myself. I’m scared that the tests will all be negative this month & AF will rear her ugly head this weekend.

To make matters worse, I’m sitting here having feelings of inadequacy. I’ve been included in this process by tracking R’s cycles, charting her temps, helping check CM & CP, recording the results of OPKs, doing the insemination. If this doesn’t work is it because my charting was off, were we inseminating at the right time, did I screw the insemination up in some way? I worry that if we get a BFN it's all my fault. Yet at the same time, I know that it's ridiculous to blame myself.

101 Reasons Our Donor Rocks: Round One

2006-08-21T02:03:00.000-05:00

OK, I can't come up with 101 reasons right now. I'll just start the list & keep adding as we travel on our journey.

1. He came to us & offered his services.
2. We think he will make beautiful babies.
3. He's usually a partier (23 y.o. college student), has given up heavy drinking & all drugs for us.
4. He turned down sex because we were inseminating 2 days later.
5. He completely agreed with the first draft of our donor agreement.
6. He wasn't too shy to um...perform.

Long Time no Read/See/Hear

2006-08-21T01:46:00.000-05:00

We're back in civilization! My family lives in the middle of nowhere and they are only able to get dial-up internet access. I didn't have the patience to try & post while I was down there. Here's a recap of our visit south of the Mason-Dixon line.
Sunday: R had to work, we headed south when she got home
Monday: We slept in and basically were lazy bums all day. Wanted to go over things with donor but didn't get around to it...bad timing & unexpected visitors, later met with our donor to go over the donor agreement, did our 1st insemination ever (amusing story to come later), went to bed dreaming baby dreams
Tuesday: Went to visit my family at work (easy to do when they all work together, aren't family businesses great), cooked dinner for my entire family (I wasn't warned that my fried chicken would have to pass my Granny's inspection)
Wednesday: R, my sister & I got haircuts, we went to visit my mom, Mom, sis & I got manicures & pedicures, R waited outside because she couldn't stand the smell of the nail salon, went to dinner at my Bama's, went out at midnight to celebrate my little sister's 21st birthday
Thursday: Spent time with my mommy while my sister moved into her new apartment at school (yay for not getting roped into moving furniture!), met my family at a restaurant for dinner, went out again to celebrate the fact that my sister can get now legally buy alcohol
Friday: Lazy bums again, hit the road to come home around 8pm

Loss in the Family

2006-08-12T01:12:00.000-05:00

Our dear middle (furry) child Dexter passed away last night. He was the best cat ever and was R's best buddy. He had urinary problems over the past year and this past time was too much for him. The vet thinks he may have had tumors on his kidneys, possibly cancerous. We're very sad but still plan on going ahead with our insemination next week. Hopefully it will result in something happy so we can smile again.

But Enough about Me

2006-08-10T01:14:00.000-05:00

On the baby makin' front: we have our supplies. They showed up 2 days ago. We've reviewed the KD contract and have sent it to our donor to look over. We'll sign it over a lovely dinner Sunday night. Then, as long as R's temps, CM & cervix are doing what they're supposed to (with verification of an OPK), we'll inseminate that night. We plan on doing at least 2 insems next week. Then we'll enter the TWW that I've heard such great things about ;)

We've talked about when to do a HPT if Auntie doesn't come to visit this month. I think we should wait until my birthday (Labor Day weekend). R says that she doesn't think I could wait that long. It might be a premature conversation to have anyway, but I think a BFP would make for the best birthday ever!

PCOS Sucks

2006-08-10T00:59:00.000-05:00

I'm up way too late tonight. I have to work in less than 7 hours & really, I do know better than to stay up this late. I'm gearing up for the most fun of Dr's appointments. Yes, I know that R is the one that will be trying to carry our 1st child, but I'm headed to the OB/GYN tomorrow. My PCOS has gotten out of hand & I need to try some new meds. I've been on Provera for a few years and I'm getting tired of it. I don't think it's supposed to give me two periods per cycle, but it has. I also want to have the "I plan on trying to get pregnant in the next few years" talk. I know it's a little, ok...really, premature since I want to carry our 2nd child & we are still 1 week from our first time out of the gate for our 1st child, but my ovaries have a mind of their own. It may take at least 2 years of beating down on them with hormones before they even decide to release an egg. I figure if I get my cycles under control & get myself ovulating now it will be a lot easier in a few years to get pregnant. I've been doing some research on my own so I can be an informed consumer at the appointment tomorrow. R & I don't have the same doctor but we go to the same practice. She isn't comfortable with a male OB/GYN and sees a midwife instead. I really don't care and didn't really have a choice since I needed a PCOS specialist.

When did I get old?

2006-08-04T13:55:00.000-05:00

Lately I've been feeling really old and by old I mean mature. It's hard to be surrounded by traditional college students all day and not forget that you're almost 10 years older than most of them. This old feeling might have happened gradually but I only started noticing it in the last few weeks.

Exhibit A: R and I were out for a friend's bachelorette party. It started tamely enough with dinner and then became a bar crawl. After the 6th bar we ended up in a night club, complete with LASER lights, smoke machines, and loud, booming music. We didn't stick around after that. We left because we were tired (it was shortly after midnight), it was too loud and the lights were giving me a headache.

Exhibit B: I was at a week long conference for our fraternity last week (Phi Sigma Pi). Once again I found myself surrounded by typical college students. They were out partying until the butt crack of dawn and I was in bed by 1am every night. Their main concern was the location of the liquor store (not too difficult because you can buy liquor in gas stations in Missouri!!!) while I was more concerned with finding a good restaurant and maybe a good bottle of wine.

Exhibit C: R and I are car shopping. She owns 2 cars and, technically, I don't have a car. Her Saab, Marty, is dying a terrible death and the treatment to heal one of his ailments would cost $2000. That doesn't repair the 500 other things that are wrong with the car (I exaggerate, but seriously the thing a lost cause). Those other things aren't a priority because they don't make the car a death trap. So needless to say Marty will be laid to rest, hopefully this weekend. R and I were car shopping last night. We had several discussions about how this decision would affect having a baby. We didn't want a new car because we don't want another car payment when R is on maternity leave, we wanted to make sure the car was big enough for a car seat and other baby gear (friends don't let friends drive mini-vans), we looked at safety features & gas mileage; we decided on 4 doors. I never would have done this a few years ago. I would have seen a car that I liked, driven it, and bought it. I never would have thought about any of that stuff....

I'm not sure if I miss being irresponsible and reckless but I do miss the idea of it.

pV=nRT

2006-08-02T14:00:00.000-05:00

OK, if you haven't figured it out yet...I'm a big dork. I get excited over things like new graphing calculators. I'm not kidding. So of course, I think of things in equations, being a Chemistry major the ideal gas law comes to mind when thinking about all the pressure we're under.
If p = pressure, V = very excited family, T = time spent waiting, R = a constant (in this case, the love of my life) & n = the number of tries, then the external pressure increases as the time and number of tries increases. This pressure is shared by the number of very excited family members. Looking at the equation the pressure should be 0 because we haven't even started trying. But no!
I've been lurking on other lesbian TTC blogs & message boards for months. There are many couples who haven't told their families because they don't think they would approve. Lots of pronouns in that sentence, sorry. We have exactly the opposite problem. Our families, mine especially, have been pressuring us for years to start a family. I think mine is more excited that R's because I'm the oldest & R is the youngest. She has an older sibling that has already provided the 1st grandchild in her family. Being the oldest, there are no grandchildren to occupy my parents. I see the twinkle in my dad's eye when one of his friends brings out photos of his grandkids. At my dad's 50th birthday party he announced that he wanted grandchildren and the rest of the family started bugging me about it. Distant relatives that I hadn't seen in years wanted to know when I was starting a family, who would carry the 1st baby, etc. My mother keeps hinting that she really wants a granddaughter, even going so far as to say that she's jealous of her friends with grandkids. She also told me that our eggs weren't getting any younger and started spouting statistics about how much fertility decreases after age 30. The pressure isn't just coming from my parents. My siblings all want R & me to start a family first and fast. We're not the only ones being pressured. My step-sister is a few years older than me and she thinks if we would hurry up and provide the 1st grandchild it would take pressure off of her. My grandmother is the sweetest though. She's nearing 90 and knows that I want to name my first daughter after her. Last winter she took me aside and said that she was getting older, probably only had "10 or 15 good years left" and wanted me to hurry up so she could see Evelyn born. I was more impressed with the fact that she thinks she'll be around another 10-15 years. One of the many reasons that I want to honor her by naming my daughter after her; she has an incredibly positive outlook on life.
So long story short, our families don't know we're trying. We don't want to take them along on this rollercoaster. We also don't want constant calls to see if R has gotten her period this month, asking who the donor is (he wishes to remain anonymous until the child is old enough to ask questions), how many times we're trying, etc. The pressure we're getting is enough just as it is!

Your Health Teacher Lied to You

2006-08-02T03:09:00.000-05:00

OK, so the most important thing 2 lesbians that are trying to get pregnant is the very same thing that you spent years avoiding: sperm. There were 2 ways we could get it: known or unknown, fresh or frozen. We knew we wanted to use fresh sperm from a known donor. There were numerous reasons this was a good idea for us:
1. With a known donor you are able to get an extensive family history and are able to ask questions later if something comes up.
2. We both wondered about the type of guy that would donate sperm for money. While we’re sure there are wonderful men out there that just want to help childless couples, we’re sure there are many more poor college students that just wanted a case of beer.
3. We wanted to spend less money trying to get pregnant so we would have more money when the baby comes.
4. Fresh sperm are more motile that frozen sperm.

There are 2 donors that we wanted to use. We selected one donor for me and another donor for R. We contacted her donor 2 months ago. We had discussed using his, um…stuff several years ago and he agreed. We just wanted to talk to him again because things could change over the years. It’s also a lot easier to say yes to a hypothetical question than it is so say yes when you know that this is starting in 2 months. He agreed & we came up with a donor agreement which we will be signing it at the first insemination attempt.

That brings be to the actual insemination. Remember that day in gym class when the boys were separated from the girls and you had sex ed? We were told horror stories about people that got pregnant their 1st time. Nameless girls that had gotten knocked up but were virgins...never supposed to let a boy ejaculate anywhere near you. They lied.
I thought I was a pretty smart girl. I paid attention in Biology classes, I know all about mitosis, meiosis, fertilization, etc. I managed to make it through 21 credits of Biology classes and never hear the phrase "fertile mucus." I didn't even know I had that. So, while you were told in Health Class that all you had to do was look at a guy with a hard-on to get pregnant, there’s really a lot more to it.

R and I have been tracking her cycles for what seems like forever. She’s been waking up at 8am everyday to take her temperature. We’ve been examining cervical mucus, position, and color. These are all changes that I didn’t even know occurred. We’ve pinpointed her ovulation days and have a plan for insemination. Today I bought supplies, another part of our deal. I am responsible for making sure we have everything we need for the insemination from the 23 chromosomes to the specimen cup. It’s frightening that you really can buy everything you need online, even the 23 chromosomes. We don't need those though, we'll be traveling to meet our donor in person. My credit card company is going to have fun with my purchases today: specimen cups, needless syringes, sperm friendly vaginal lubricant, plastic specula, and ovulation predictor test strips.

Our first attempt at inseminating will take place around 13 August, depending on R's cycle. She's been ovulating on day 18 for the past 4 months, hopefully the stress of an impending insemination won't change things. Our donor is 400 miles away and we're going to him this cycle & we plan to inseminate 2 times this trip. If we get pregnant our due date would be Monday 7 May 2007. What an incredible graduation present that would be!

First Things First

2006-08-02T02:55:00.000-05:00

So....who am I and what am I up to? I am in my late 20s; I've been happily partnered to R for the past 8 years; I will forever be the perpetual student; I'm a dog lover with cats because R is a cat person; what else, I also have a biological clock that would put Big Ben to shame. R and I have discussed having kids many times over the past 8 years. I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to have a family with her. The talks about kids have gotten progressively more and more serious over the past few years. We picked out a donor, talked about who would get pregnant first, and picked out names but none of it seemed real. It was always something that we would do when we finally graduated from college, when we had better jobs, when we had a larger house. There was always something that we needed to accomplish before we could really start thinking about a family. I always told R that if we waited until everything was perfect, we'd never start a family because perfection didn't exist. She still wanted to wait a little longer. That all changed on 19 June 06. I had been out of town and was driving back to PA when R called to tell me that she was finally ready to start a family. I was so happy that I cried. I dove right in and started thinking about everything that we would need. Lots of reading, research, and shopping. Three of my favorite things!